Akhilvaani returns after a long hiatus.
It has been silent for a long time.
And this silence has been deafening and crippling for me. Both in the extremity of “Madness and Sadness” writing was farthest from my mind.
Truth beckons it was not even an option.
Life and times were harrowing to say the least for me during the period in which mania returned with a ferocity laced with psychotic features and shameful antecedents not experienced in last two decades. And when “madness of mania” was doing the “tandav-nritya” how could its sibling deathening depression could have remained silent expectorate- it brought in its wake stuporous comatose state I had rarely experienced in six decades of life.
The cock-tail of “Madness and Sadness” made life tethering again as I found me close to ending life by own hands. But miraculously, once again the destiny intervened.
I wanted to die. Almighty decided I would live. But the foremost question in mind is how long and what type of life. Scientists have come to conclusion that the average life expectancy of seriously mentally ill is going down. And they have data to show- a ten to fifteen years lower expectancy than the normative population is what is the consensus estimate.
The dooms-day clock is ticking fast in my case as well as I approach 62 years of age. I am aware my time may be strictly limited. And the reasons are legion
While co-morbidity of severe mental conditions have always been my cohort threatening early end to my life, the physical illnesses too off late have decided not to be left behind. Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease (COPD) new companions multiple linear ulcers in esophagus and antral ulcers (these are crippling in the short term) but the arrival of early onset of Glaucoma, puts a big question mark as to what will make cripple me first- “early mortality” or the “glaucoma” induced blindness.
Truly I do not know. Nor do my doctors know
So I have decided not to bow down and make the best of the worst of the situations the life has put me in. The aunt of my wife, who died recently, famously used to say- “You Do Not Choose Circumstances” circumstances choose you. So i have decided to go with the flow of circumstances and will try to learn the art of making grape juice from the lemonade destiny has handed to my life.
As a knowledge worker writing has been the weapon with which I have fought many battles and wars.
This is behind the reason why I have decided to resurrect “akhilvaani” and this time in form of “Daily Bulletin”.
Daily Bulletin will be published on all days except Sunday and public holidays. It will be a humongous challenge to have 365 different topics in a year. But with your support I make a beginning.
The first edition of Daily Bulletin will be on Monday 10th March, 2020. It is titled- “Love in the time of Madness”.
So here we go. Happy reading. See you on Monday